That's What She Said

And so the Terry/Ferdinand case continues to descend into a Monty Python-esqe saga indeed. I am actually starting to quite enjoy the whole thing. 
The merriment started when Ashley Cole was asked in the witness box to not merely spell the word See You Next Tuesday but in fact bark the word out before judge and jury. It is easy to forget that this is supposed to be a serious, 5-day trial however, imaging top lawyers, barristers and jurors sitting around discussing 'black cunts' is as far from serious as I am about to go today. 

Ashley Cole was merely the warm up act, the real fun started when Terry took to the stand and all of a sudden it became all about his mum. I remember people used to fancy my mum and it was no laughing matter. Terry had to talk about when his mum was seeing a man from Merseyside and had to deal with football crowds chanting, 'his mum loves Scouse cock' which is a very original, witty little chant if ever I have heard one. It is deeper than it appears on the surface for sure. 
Let the record show that the defendant’s mother does indeed favour the Liverpudlian appendage.
I'm not sure what's real and what isn't anymore, I tell you. 

Kits Off

We've already seen Swansea's Welsher than leeks and sheep away shirt, and their home shirts are just as proud. Gold seems to be a running theme for many teams next season and Swansea are also going for gold with these home shirts.

They certainly look like Real Madrid, let's see if they can play like them. After all, Wales is the Spain of the UK. Costa Del Aberystwyth. 

Man City have recruited the help of top model and fellow Manc, Noel Gallagher to help with the release of their home and away kits and I have to say, I think Umbro have done a very good job indeed!

Man City and Make A Wish. Working together to help dreams come true.

They are simple with a retro feel and I have never seen Noel look quite so gay so bravo City!

Now for a pair of shirts I am not so keen on. I got sent some Aston Villa shirts a while ago which I blogged about and they turned out to be fake. On a recent trip to the Villa Store, I got to witness the real shirts in person. I am starting to think they are not my sort of people. I may go for a quick drink with the home shirt but the away shirt would probably want you to pay for it's beer all night, start a fight and go home with the girl you have been chatting to all night. Although, if this girl was to throw up on Mr.Away 2012/13, you could barely tell. 

I'm not impressed but I think we have had a lucky escape. The team at Macron, after all, are to be expected in court over the crimes they have committed designing poor Leeds United's kit. 

These shorts had better not become 'a thing.' I don't understand how it can prove so hard to design a decent football kit sometimes.

Rio Gets Deep

This is not some lewd story about Rio's sexual antics but more about his profound recent Tweets. I have long been confused as to why celebrities are allowed to take to Twitter without some sort of guardian overlooking them but at least it is interesting for the rest of us. The horse faced mong is making sure his name is on the  list for Club Bellend where the likes of Joey Barton and Piers Morgan are often found lurking. I would rather eat my own arm off personally. Covered in marmite. I am a hater. 

In no way looking like a monkey.

Anyway yeah, as you know Rio's pug faced relative, Anton, has been all up in court because somebody said a nasty to him. It's all very upsetting. Even though he was actually the first to shout abuse, and even though he didn't actually hear John Terry say anything, he has watched a youtube video and as we all know, youtube is the voice of truth. Much like Wikipedia. And the Bible. The whole trial is ludicrous to the extreme anyway and now Rio has waded into the situation with his explicitly witty tweets. T'other day, Ferdinand Tweeted: Film of the day: Liar Liar...starring Jim Carey. What a film!!
But he didn't stop there. Just in case his irony had been lost on us mere mortals, he then continued today with the tweet: Film of the day...A Cock And Bull story starring Steve Coogan...decent watch! 
A few minutes later he then continued with: Film of the day: New Jack City starring Wesley Snipes + Ice-T...very deeeeecent!
Rio certainly is not the shiniest bauble of the tree as you can't have 2 'Film of the day's and I think he might be drunk. Or moving house. We all know what happens when Rio moves house. 

I hope this whole sorry case is over and done with asap. As much as we all hate JT, I very much doubt he is a racist and to be honest, even if he is found guilty, he gets a fine of about 10p human money. Let's just call the whole thing off.

Lazy Garlic

I should apologise, I have been so busy recently and the blog has fallen by the way side somewhat. But we are back in business ooh yeah. So much has happened, hey! Spain won Euro 2012 and none of us saw that one coming, complete shocker. Who knew Iniesta could play football? One thing we all could have predicted was Torres winning the golden boot after playing 2 minutes of football. Bloody obvious. Seriously though, if you were deluded enough to put a bet on that before the tournament, fair freaking play. Pirlo was the player of Euro 2012 for me. I expected him to be sexy and boy he did NOT let me down. I felt a bit sorry for Italy. They played far better than I would ever of expected and tiredness and a Spain we know of old just got the better of them. I don't care what people say, I don't think Spain have had a very good tournament and they were boring. It doesn't mean they aren't fantastic footballers, it is because they are the best that they can get away with passing the other team into submission but, it can be very tedious to watch. For these reasons, I also don't believe Iniesta should have the accolade of being the best player in Euro 2012. On merit, I suppose he is but Pirlo would have got my vote for being consistently brilliant from the get go, not just 90 minutes at the end. And for that penalty. It was worth England losing. However, I begrudgingly congratulate Spain. In the famous words of Zinedine Zidane: "The day Spain begin winning, they won't stop." I still believe the Germans will be the team of the near future but Spain just seem invincible.

Wooo!

^^That right there, 'wooo!'...totally building the atmosphere, right? Ok! Ireland and Spain kick off in Gdansk tonight and Ireland are going to have to bounce back after their Croatian defeat. There are rumours Spain are starting striker-less again so it would be good for Ireland to pack their midfield and also to keep their back four disciplined if they are going to get anything out of this game.
Luckily for Ireland, Spain haven't looked their hottest but then that was against a good Italian team, not a weak Irish one. I hope to goodness Ireland manage to get something out of this game and the best they can probably hope for is a point but for the supporters loyalty and belief alone, they deserve something. Listening to the supporters actually fills you with a (false?) sense of hope and positivity, if only it can carry over onto the pitch. They are massive underdogs, but it isn't impossible.

Breakdown Round 2 - Group B

So, the right Portugal turned up and beat Denmark but boy was it close. Portugal thoroughly deserved to be up at half-time but Denmark fought their way back in and probably deserved the draw. It was the tale of one of the greatest strikers in the world fluffing chance after chance v a striker who thinks he is the best striker in the world, scoring 2 brilliant goals. However, it all opens up the group nicely however. Germany are on top with 6 points, Denmark and Portugal both on 3 and Holland yet to get off the starting blocks have no points to brag off. However, if Holland can beat Portugal and Denmark fail to beat Germany, Netherlands could go through, goal difference depending. 

Fray Bento needs a pie. 

Predictions

High on my current success of 1 correct prediction, I am going into tonight's games almost certain that I know what will happen. And you should listen up. The biggun that I am excited about is Netherlands v Germany. Both teams had disappointing first games so I hope the rivalry between these two clubs and, in Hollands case the need to win, may spruce them up a bit. Germany won but there were flaws to their game and they hardly played the exciting fusball we were expecting from their young guns. Holland had a frustrating game setting up chance after chance after chance and wasting every single one, unable to find a way past Denmark. They will be very aware now that little but a win here will do. If Germany win and Denmark beat Portugal, the fates are sealed and Portugal and Holland will be on their way home. I would not be suprised if Huntelaar starts tonight alongside RvP, looking the more dynamic forward once he was subbed on for a deflated Van Persie and if the Netherlands can just tighten up at the back and maximise their chances, they could definitely win tonight. Sneijder had a fantastic game and completely controlled midfield so hopefully he can be on top of his game. I hope we see an energetic, attacking Holland team tonight which in turn I hope will spurn Germany into action. If that is the case, I hope for entertainment value that Holland can grab a win here. I'm not entirely confident they can however. My heart says Holland for the win, my brain Germany. I think 3-2...Germany.

Breakdown Round 2 - GROUP A

Guess what!? I got a prediction correct! The heavens hath openeth. It was Czech mate against the Greeks and the game was over in the first 6 minutes. I was not excited about this game at all, at all but after Jiracek and Pilar smashed in 2 goals in quick succession and Greece looked to have left their defenders at home to protect their banks, I was half-expecting Czech Republic to 'do  a Russia' but no. They used up their entire excitement quota and the rest of the game was the dull affair I was expecting. It is a huge win for the Czechs and the group really is wide open. With Greece facing Russia, you can't help feel it will be between Poland on 2 points and the Czech Republic on 3 to battle it out for second so their game will be a very interesting one. Greece did manage to get back into the game and looked more lively after half-time. They had had a goal disallowed and then an absolute balls-up by Cech the Czech gifted them a goal on a plate. Usually rock solid in between the sticks, Cech had a bad game against Russia and against Greece he let the ball slip between his hands straight to the feet of Gekas who only had an open net to beat. Greece's 4 strikers could not find another way past the Czech defense though and the Czechs held out for a 2-1 win. I said it would happen.

Man Of The Match: Jiracek

Breakdown - GROUP D

Few suprising results were provided in this group as well! C'mon In-ger-laaand.

So, it ended in a 1-1 draw between England and France. I don't agree that you should ever really be 'happy' with a draw but this was England's hardest game and to gain a point here is brilliant. It not only robs 2 off favourites France but also England should be feeling pretty confident. There was a lot of talk after the Danish win over Holland that if they can win against such a strong, attacking team...then why can't England with a similar defensive structure?
As I have said before, I honestly think the lack of pressure on the lads has probably done them the world of good as they can just relax and go out there and do what they do best. It wasn't a flawless performance but there were many positives to be gained. Parker and Gerrard worked well to break up France's play and there was some explosive pace from Welbeck, Young and Oxlaide-Chamberlain on the break. In both halves of the game, England were guilty of dropping a bit too deep giving France far too many opportunites but they defended very well. It is a bit boring and it's hardly exciting to watch but I suppose for the current England squad to hold out hope of beating teams like France, it's what they have to do.

Man Of The Team: Gerrard

Sorry To Interrupt This Broadcast

Before the kick off I quickly want to get some predictions in.

Potentially the most boring game this eve yet also very influential. Greece v Czech Republic are lining up as I am writing this.
Greece need to keep the passion they provided in the latter part of the match against Poland as this match is crucial to them, with Russia being their final group game. There are only 3,000 Greek fans against 19,000 Czech's so the passion may be short in the stands. It's equally important for the Czech Republic to bounce back though and show their metal. 2-1 Czech Republic.

Potentially the more exciting game coming up later in the form of Russia v Poland. Poland are again going to benefit from home support but if that will be enough to lift them to a point that they can cause Russia some real problems is debatable. They started to tire and run out of ideas in their first game and that was against Greece. Russia on form could very well prove unbeatable. I think Russia might have another charger here, 3-0 Russki's.

Breakdown - GROUP C

Group C proved to be a very interesting group as well, and things may not just fall into Spanish laps as easily as a Euro bail out.

Spain suprised everyone when they opted for a striker-less formation, opting instead for 6 across midfield and I think Italy may slightly have desreved the win in the end. Spain played their usual intricate style of football and Italy waited patiently. Silva and Fabregas proved a lethal pairing throughout the entire game, eventually scoring a goal in reply to Italy after they went 1-0 down and Iniesta proved a constant threat from midfield, just failing against Italy's defense. Spain had most of the possession but failed to make the most of it really. Torres had a nightmare once he was eventually subbed on but Spain did look more dangerous on goal aftet his addition. You can't blame the lad for being a bit low of confidence right now.

Man Of The Team: Iniesta

Breakdown - GROUP B

Well, after the sendings off, missed penalties and thumping goals that Group A greeted us with, expectations were high for the eagerly anticipated Group B. And the favourites just failed to ignite.

Denmark came out with a performance that not only proved the first big shock in the competition but also has them sitting pretty at the top of Group B with Germany. Portugal looked shaky so Denmark have to really be looking forward right now and thinking, what seemed impossible, really could be possible. Many people said not to write them off, but it was easy to do so with such mammoth teams in their group. The Danes were organised and very tight defensively with Agger and Kjaer being absolutely fantastic. Poulsen had a good game and after his expertly taken goal, Krohn-Delhi has been a talking point. If they can stay as impressive as that defensively, they may be able to hold the Germans at bay and I would not be suprised if they managed a win against Portugal.

Man Of The Team: Agger

Breakdown - GROUP A

What I genuinely expected to be a complete snore-fest was actually a fantastic opening night to Euro 2012.

Poland got off to a great start and no doubt were helped along by the electric atmosphere around them. They did flag a bit in the second half but hopefully in their next 2 games, Smuda might think about using his substitutes more wisely. There is no reason Poland can't get through. They certainly aren't the most skillfull team but their Borussia Dortmund trio gave them some direction and they were commanding in the first 45 minutes and the huge home support could help them through. They have a point to work with and, seeing as I can't see either Greece or Poland beating Russia, it will be down to how well they can play against the Czech Republic. If Greece fail to beat the Czechs tonight, it really will be game on.

Man Of The Team: Lewandowski

Breaking News!

Joey Barton is a deluded scumbag! Bet you didn't see that one coming.

Limpest cock on the planet.

I am sending out a plea to Twitter to remove this man before he does more damage to himself. He's been a busy wee tyke on Twitter today, voicing some on the fence opinions about the England squad:

'If Henderson got in, any englishman not currently in the squad has to feel aggrieved. Yes, i wish i was there but im not...'

Out With The Baby, In With...

Never Wrong. Should never have doubted him.

I'm putting all my faith into Henry 'The Predictor' Hamster. Today, he and I will correctly bring to you the scores of Holland v Denmark and Germany v Portugal, hours before anyone else! Hours before kick off...that's how bloody good Henry is. Right Henry? Right!