Why is new stuff always better? Like new friends. They are always so shiny and funny and such good people with no faults! For like a week. And then the real them comes out. Not like your best mates who are all arses. It is a sign of how good friends you are with someone, how often and bitterly you can call them a bellend. If you walk into the pub and shout "Bellend!", the only men that will turn around will be the ones with truely good mates. Everyone calls me a bellend and it is because I am loved by the community. I am like Adebayor. He's awesome, so say the horse riders of north LDN. Yep, he is so good they have pretty much sealed the deal and bought him. Even though he was already there on loan. Yawn, this is barely a story but there we go. So Adebayor (his mums a whore but don't let him hear you say it) joins Vertonghen and Sigurdsson, entering the White Hart Lane shack of love. Free Loving for all. As long as your name's not Harry. We No Love Harry Long Time. Unless you have a voucher. Top trump.
They also apparently are in the market for Pienaar amoung the numerous other players AVB wants in his new fam-i-lyy.
Over in Jonny Foreigner land, PSG have just robbed a bank and have loadsadosh and they want everyone to know it. Their new gold plated seats, diamond encrusted season tickets and new Caviar mascot, named Mario, are simply not making the headlines. PSG are not happy. They have thrown down their ruby gauntlet, hired the help of Man City's publicist and low and behold, they are on the map again. The French 'giants' have decided they want to sign Ibramahimovic and Thiago Silva for £51.4m from AC Milan as Berlusconi desperately needs money to fund his next bunga bunga party which will be bigger and better than ever because f*ck football. You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!
Terrible news for AC Milan to be losing their 2 best players but PSG could be one to watch over the next couple of years. They are looking tasty to win Ligue 1 next year and if they keep building, the Championship's the limit.
I'm the number one, best player EVER! Yeah baby.
Over in the blissfully ignorant Michael Owen land, where the clouds are made of marshmallows and even cripples find a place in top football teams, Monsieur Owen has taken to Twitter to reveal he is still on the market ladies, and looking to pull. Only if you are way out of his league however, and really don't need him interfering in your night...it's just how he rolls. Why he doesn't just give up and move to Horse Land where I feel he will settle in much more suitably, is anyone's guess.
