Range Rovered

By now you all know that Rangers are crap. They deal with money as though life is one big game of monopoly and it got them in deep trouble. Naughty naughty, shakey finger in your face. Anyway, remember your favourite doll when you were little? Well, it was never really your favourite, it just somehow survived throughout time and somehow managed to end up in your house every time you moved to try and escape in what could only be down to a real life Toy Story moment. Yeah, that toy. Anyway, it's as shabby as sin and then the dog bites his head off and an eye goes missing. Your drunk nan comes in and after singing the entire rendition of seven drunken nights, she decides to fix this doll for you and it ends up like this....

Yeah well this doll represents Rangers Newco. All the giblets off the factory floor have been glued together and have been voted back into the fourth tier of Scottish football. The tier comprised of men whose full time jobs are at the likes of Greggs and they use shirts for goal posts. Can someone remind me why Scottish footba even exists, please!? It's all over my head.  To get an idea of the differences between Rangers and their new opponents, here is a little chart showing average attendances:

Only 46,003 to go East Stirling. Laughing Stock. The lemon is not lemony enough. Almonds are massive in Sicily. Maybe Rangers are too. I wonder what the odds are on Celtic to win the SPL next season?

Breakdown Round 2 - GROUP A

Guess what!? I got a prediction correct! The heavens hath openeth. It was Czech mate against the Greeks and the game was over in the first 6 minutes. I was not excited about this game at all, at all but after Jiracek and Pilar smashed in 2 goals in quick succession and Greece looked to have left their defenders at home to protect their banks, I was half-expecting Czech Republic to 'do  a Russia' but no. They used up their entire excitement quota and the rest of the game was the dull affair I was expecting. It is a huge win for the Czechs and the group really is wide open. With Greece facing Russia, you can't help feel it will be between Poland on 2 points and the Czech Republic on 3 to battle it out for second so their game will be a very interesting one. Greece did manage to get back into the game and looked more lively after half-time. They had had a goal disallowed and then an absolute balls-up by Cech the Czech gifted them a goal on a plate. Usually rock solid in between the sticks, Cech had a bad game against Russia and against Greece he let the ball slip between his hands straight to the feet of Gekas who only had an open net to beat. Greece's 4 strikers could not find another way past the Czech defense though and the Czechs held out for a 2-1 win. I said it would happen.

Man Of The Match: Jiracek

Rubbish racism. Boo!

So, it is looking like the warnings of extreme racism and thuggishness in Polkraine may have been justified. Already, before the competition has even had a National Anthem sung, there have been 2 cases of racism and hooliganism in Poland. Nice of them to keep it balanced and all, but you can stop now Poles, we get it, you are angry. You have issues. The world doesn't like you and life's not fair.

In, out, shake it all about.

Well, Norwich have done rather well for themselves and bagged Chris Hughton from Birmingham City. I can hardly blame him for jumping ship. Lambert has set up a good team in Norwich and with a good manager, there is no reason why they can't move forward. Hughton, I have realised, is the polar opposite of Alex McLeish. Not because he was black you racist beings, but because he tries to make teams better...

Down with Ukraine...well, unless we do well, jah?

Not like the good blokes in the UK Government to get themselves in hot water is it? Well, in a rare err of judgement, they have ended up being a taaad two-faced. You may or may not be aware that Germany and France are not sending any politicians over to Ukraine in accordance with Project Boycott. Pow Pow. It's basically over some boring jailing of some opposition leader Yulia Tymoshenko, some human rights shiz and basically everyone is angry! Grrrr! Well, we are angry unless England get through the group stages in which case political agendas go out of the window. British MP's are boycotting the first 3 games, but have much left the proverbial door slightly ajar, should England progress.

Once More Into The Breach, Dear Friends...

Well, we know Wolves are deemed for the Championship already, saying goodbye after 3 seasons in the top flight. With what many believed to have been a very flawed sacking of Mick McCarthy, the team have gone into freefall under the management of Terry Connor. Who joins them is still up for question, although Blackburn are looking pretty set on booking a place on the Relegation Bus. Blackburn have had few relieving moments this season. At the forefront of everything was a man who epitomises the saying, it's not what you know, it's who. Allardyce being ousted for Kean Steve was madness in itself and it seems an even worse idea with hindsight, given the fact Blackburn may very well be clearing a space for Big Sams current team, West Ham. To stay up, Blackburn need to beat on-form Wigan tonight and their final game of the season, Chelsea (gulp). With this looking highly unlikely, that leaves just one remaining space, currently occupied by Bolton.

If you are a Liverpool fan, look away.

Liverpool really have turned into a bit of a laughing stock this year. It should have all been so different. They finished last season in pretty good form and after booting out poor Woy, turning into witches and burning Torres shirts, aquiring a new strikeforce in the form of Carroll and Suarez and, more importantly, a legend of the club, King Kenny, at the helm...

Ain't no party like a scousers partaaay.