Sunday 15 July 2012

Day Glo

It's a bit of a slow day on the old football front. Unless you are a Villa fan. If you are not, you can probably skip this story. So I can imagine by now I have no readers left. That's fine. All other teams suck ass. Sucky sucky sucky. I hate you all. My left ball is distinctly bigger than my right. Jokes. I know you all love Villa. Truth in the ball story like but anyway....for the first time in 20 years, ASTON VILLA HAVE WON A GAME against the trojans of the West Midlands, Burton Albion. Don't let the fact they play for League 2 fool you, B.A. are a tough crew. They put the creepers into me. Not into Lamber's lads though, oh no. Villa smashed them 2-1 which means we are going to win the Premiership now. Place your bets, it's a sure thang. 


Harrow, today we dance.

The 2,500 Villa fans who braved the 5 day trek across hell and high water never stopped singing and even invented a new song, the clever beggars. "We glow in the dark, we glow in the dark...We're Aston Villa and we glow in the dark!" All of this is enamouring me to our away shirt big time which is quite upsetting. I'll have a tattoo of it by the end of the week, on my face no doubt. I glow in the dark, I glow in the dark, my balls are uneven, I glow in the dark.


We call this move, the 'Lambert.' Soon to be seen on a dancefloor near you.


Anyways, this is getting me very excited about the new season. We are about to go across the pond and stomp all over America's sh*tty soccer teams and then we'll be reet for our opening Claret & Blue extravaganza against West Ham. Did you know, because they are a charity case, we actually donated some of our used and smelly shirts to West Ham. Once they figured out they couldn't use the DNA to format a Aston Villa: The Second Coming they simply decided to wear the cast-offs instead. Hence, to this day, they continue to wear Claret & Blue. They will always be imitators. 

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