Rubbish racism. Boo!

So, it is looking like the warnings of extreme racism and thuggishness in Polkraine may have been justified. Already, before the competition has even had a National Anthem sung, there have been 2 cases of racism and hooliganism in Poland. Nice of them to keep it balanced and all, but you can stop now Poles, we get it, you are angry. You have issues. The world doesn't like you and life's not fair.

Holland have been caught up in a bit of a racism fracas during training in Krakow. Apparently at their training ground, a group of men were booing them and making monkey chants which got so intimidating that the Dutch had to move down the pitch to escape the men's ear-piercing jibes. Thank God Balotelli wasn't there! He'd be on a plane home by now. Uefa have been a bit cagey about the issue, acknowledging something may have happened but also trying desperately to brush the incident under the carpet.

Nothing to see here people. Move along.

They have suggested that these men may merley have been protesting that their beloved Krakow had not been chosen to be a host city. Not a good enough reason? Well, Uefa don't stop there for have you overlooked the fact these men are very unhappy their teams stadium being used and were simply voicing their discontent. It's democracy at it's greatest! And it totally explains the monkey noises too! Good thinking Uefa, you major douchbags. Holland captain, van Bommel (best name ever.) has luckily come along and and talked a bit of sense. He labelled the incident 'a real disgrace' and very wisely pointed out that, 'If you did hear it and didn't want to hear it, that's even worse.' Yes Uefa, that's directly at you. Utter plebs.

In the near-by city of Lodz, some football fans were happily getting wasted and singing football songs when things took a turn for the worse. Cars pulled up, full of 50 masked men who then launched an attack on the pundits. Some managed to get inside and barricade themselves in but others could not get inside in time and 2 are said to be injured badly. The pub owner is said to be refusing to press charges for fear of revenge which is horribly sad really. What I don't understand is a country with such extreme police can have such extreme acts of violence and racism. The police, very proudly, have claimed their dogs 'go for the bollocks!' That may not be a direct quote but I can assure you that if I had the choice between being put in a room with 50 masked, angry, Poles or one lone bollocks eating dog, I would take my chances with the 50 men. Even if bollocks were involved one way or another. Soap-on-a-rope.

The Police are said to be on red alert and, if dogs with a penchant for scrotums wasn't scary enough, they also have live ammo and water cannon at their disposal. Wait, did we say Poland or Northern Ireland!? It's okay though guys and gals! You only die if you get shot within 30ft of the firearm! Yeahhh, no worries! Just don't get too drunk. And if you do, don't drive or even look at a car. Don't sing, don't get too excited and DO NOT under any circumstances show any disrespect for women. The policemen love their mums and you will find yourself with a cap very much in your ass.

Aym gonna eat yo testicles drunk boi!